Hot Mama,
I know, I know I am only in my twenties and I probably have no right to complain about this... but it's not just me, my roomie has totally made comments about this too. What is going on with our bodies? I seriously feel like my metabolism has just stopped. She and I both laugh at each other because we keep noticing all of these changes in our shape (and size!) I used to be able to hit the gym and drop any weight that I gained in a heartbeat. Now, I go on vacation for two weeks and gain 8lbs, and I come back and can't even lose the 8lbs in a full 8 weeks. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT!? It is so traumatizing. And to top it all off, I feel like I am getting to a point where I want to just give up. Is this common? Or are she and I both just lazy and need to make a change? It's not like we are gaining tons of weight or anything like that, but my body is just totally reflecting my lifestyle like it never did before. And to not be able to drop my vacay weight quickly has been such a blow. If I would've known before I left that it would be like this on my return, I would have put down my cheeseburger with bacon, avocado, fried onions, and a fried egg, and picked up a salad fork instead. UGH, this is too traumatic!
-Eager"WTF"Beaver
Beautiful Eager Beaver,
Welcome to womanhood. It always amazes me when other women look at girls in their late teens and early twenties and get discouraged! Soon enough those girls will be in their mid-twenties and everything will change. They will finally be in their women's bodies! You don't really know what your body is like until you hit this age. I've seen it happen again and again. Don't despair but this is now your "real" body, your other body was your girl body. Maturing aint all fun. And not to be a downer but wait until you hit my age and you gain another 8 pounds and can't get rid of that! And you're still remembering what your body was like at 22, 16 - 20 pounds ago, and thinking why is it so hard to get there? It's just life as a homosapien. And it's the same for men. It sucks for sure because there is nothing you can do about it except eat less and exercise more...a lot more. It's so true that you can't eat like you did just a year or two ago and that's the same for my age, it seems to happen overnight, it's awful! You can get rid of it, it's just not as easy as it once was! Or you can just enjoy your 25 year old body for another 25 years (because you're gorgeous just as you are) if you're not having kids, never mind about after a baby cuz that's a whole nother story, or figure out what works for you calorie and exercise wise to get your 19 year old body back NOW before life catches up with you again! The good news? Men seem to love us just the way we are at 19 or 49!
-Hot Mama
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
"The Real Housewives..." Is this Reality?!
Hot Mama,
I know I can say this to you without fear of judgement or a serious eyeroll, but I do spend a seious amount of time glued to my television watching, "The Real Housewives of Orange County." And I have to say that recently I've discovered I'm not the only one. It seems as if the "Real Housewives" craze has gotten to almost everyone I know! They have "real" housewives from everywhere these days: New York, New Jersey, Atlanta, OC, Beverly Hills, etc. Even just the slightest mention of Housewives gets women talking. But why?! Why are we so obsessed with watching these women whose supposed real lives are a far cry from anyone that I know.
They consider 'working' as having a clothing line or designing handbags or make-up. And are continually throwing huge lavish parties and vacations where they invite their 'friends,' who are actually more like frenemies in most cases. They spend 95% of the time bashing the women that they claim to be BFF's with behind their backs. They all have something negative to say about each other, or each others relationships, or jobs (or lack there of). And I wonder if I was poked and proded and prompted enough by Producers, if I would be able to say such negative and hurtful things about someone else, someone who is supposedly my friend, behind her back. I don't think that I could, and why would I chose to continue to spend time with someone if I didn't have anything good to say about them? And on top of that, trying to keep track of who is friends at any given point in time can be overwhelming and exhausting. One minute they hate each other, and the next minute, they're double dating and bashing someone else's husband. 
These women have insane amounts of disposable income, and spend a vast majority of their time devoted to their looks and upkeep. They don't talk about anything useful or productive, and most of the time they are downright mean. So why do I like it? And not just me, but women across America... Why do we ALL like it? How have they made SIX seasons of the same show? Nothing has changed, it's just the same old stuff, different day. It's in no way, shape or form a reflection of the real life of a woman. Having a nanny, and a cook, and a party planner, and a personal assistant... Yeah, I don't have ANY of those things. But somehow, I keep on watching. And not gonna lie, I love it! What gives... why do we spend countless hours watching this nonsense??
-Eager "Real Housewive of the REAL World" Beaver
Eager Beaver,
I admit that I too watch those shows occasionally and I HATE them! They just totally contribute to the idea that women are nothing more than grownup "mean girls!" Wow, I always say most men don't ever "grow up" they just "grow old" but these shows say exactly the same thing about women! It's mortifying. Who ARE these women? How did they all get such a sense of entitlement? I mean, seriously, their poop stinks just like anyone else's, worse probably. And an even bigger question for me is who are these MEN that marry them? What sane man finds these highly kept women attractive in any way? They do NOTHING! They don't even raise their own kids! And they're so botoxed and blown out who would want to sleep with them? So, what are they good for? Running around backstabbing their "friends" and spending the man's money?
I think people watch because it's like watching the "Stepford Wives" in a car crash. I guess it's this generation's "reality" version of "Dallas." I end up having to turn it off because I can't handle their mean-spirited vapidness. It turns my stomach. I do wonder when they watch themselves back if they have even the slightest shred of decency to be a little embarrassed by their behavior? Or were they all raised by wolves? I'm guessing it's the latter.
-Hot Mama
I know I can say this to you without fear of judgement or a serious eyeroll, but I do spend a seious amount of time glued to my television watching, "The Real Housewives of Orange County." And I have to say that recently I've discovered I'm not the only one. It seems as if the "Real Housewives" craze has gotten to almost everyone I know! They have "real" housewives from everywhere these days: New York, New Jersey, Atlanta, OC, Beverly Hills, etc. Even just the slightest mention of Housewives gets women talking. But why?! Why are we so obsessed with watching these women whose supposed real lives are a far cry from anyone that I know.
They consider 'working' as having a clothing line or designing handbags or make-up. And are continually throwing huge lavish parties and vacations where they invite their 'friends,' who are actually more like frenemies in most cases. They spend 95% of the time bashing the women that they claim to be BFF's with behind their backs. They all have something negative to say about each other, or each others relationships, or jobs (or lack there of). And I wonder if I was poked and proded and prompted enough by Producers, if I would be able to say such negative and hurtful things about someone else, someone who is supposedly my friend, behind her back. I don't think that I could, and why would I chose to continue to spend time with someone if I didn't have anything good to say about them? And on top of that, trying to keep track of who is friends at any given point in time can be overwhelming and exhausting. One minute they hate each other, and the next minute, they're double dating and bashing someone else's husband. 
These women have insane amounts of disposable income, and spend a vast majority of their time devoted to their looks and upkeep. They don't talk about anything useful or productive, and most of the time they are downright mean. So why do I like it? And not just me, but women across America... Why do we ALL like it? How have they made SIX seasons of the same show? Nothing has changed, it's just the same old stuff, different day. It's in no way, shape or form a reflection of the real life of a woman. Having a nanny, and a cook, and a party planner, and a personal assistant... Yeah, I don't have ANY of those things. But somehow, I keep on watching. And not gonna lie, I love it! What gives... why do we spend countless hours watching this nonsense??-Eager "Real Housewive of the REAL World" Beaver
Eager Beaver,
I admit that I too watch those shows occasionally and I HATE them! They just totally contribute to the idea that women are nothing more than grownup "mean girls!" Wow, I always say most men don't ever "grow up" they just "grow old" but these shows say exactly the same thing about women! It's mortifying. Who ARE these women? How did they all get such a sense of entitlement? I mean, seriously, their poop stinks just like anyone else's, worse probably. And an even bigger question for me is who are these MEN that marry them? What sane man finds these highly kept women attractive in any way? They do NOTHING! They don't even raise their own kids! And they're so botoxed and blown out who would want to sleep with them? So, what are they good for? Running around backstabbing their "friends" and spending the man's money?
I think people watch because it's like watching the "Stepford Wives" in a car crash. I guess it's this generation's "reality" version of "Dallas." I end up having to turn it off because I can't handle their mean-spirited vapidness. It turns my stomach. I do wonder when they watch themselves back if they have even the slightest shred of decency to be a little embarrassed by their behavior? Or were they all raised by wolves? I'm guessing it's the latter.-Hot Mama
Sunday, January 16, 2011
"Those are Fighting Words..."
Hot Mama,
I'm sure that you have either watched or heard things about, "The Jersey Shore." It's not something that I am proud of, but I'm pretty sure that I have seen almost every episode. Last night, Best and I were watching the newest episode of the show. Yes, it was a Saturday night, and yes we were home on the couch eating FroYo and watching the Shore. But anyways, beside that, we were watching the show which is so notorious for fights.
Especially for girl fights!! So there is this couple on the show Sammi "Sweetheart" and Ronnie. They are a horrible couple, and he's cheated on her, and they always fight with each other and say HORRIBLE things to each other. Well anyways, another one of the female roommates gets upset because Sammi is laughing at her for no reason... The roommate gets really upset and calls Sammi the C-word, and keeps calling her it over and over again, along with a lot of other not so nice words. She goes into the living room and is screaming at all the other roommates about how Sammi is a bitch, blah blah blah. Well it takes a few minutes, but finally Ronnie runs into the room, and I think he's coming in to defend his girlfriend... and tell the new roommate that she can't call his girlfriend those things. 
BUT NO... He comes in and says, "Don't come into my house and say shit like that, this is my fucking house. Don't drag me into your drama. If you have a problem with my girlfriend, you can deal with it with her..." Or something along those lines. REALLY... it's fine that she says those things to your girlfriend, but you just don't want to be a part of it?!? Like seriously... you are such a slimeball and a shitty boyfriend. Chivalry is clearly dead. Not that I expect it from "Jersey Shore," but still... makes me sick.
-Eager Beaver
Eager Beaver,
Saw the episode. Enough said about my Saturday nights. My thoughts exactly. WTF? Your girlfriend is being abusively, verbally dragged through the muck (pretty much she is a bitch but that's besides the point) and your biggest concern is for YOURSELF? What? What on God's green earth happened to men who defend their women and aren't so concerned with their beauty sleep? Look, Sammi aint no saint but even she deserves a boyfriend better that that. Seriously Sammi pull your head out of your ass, or up off his dick and take a look at the schmuck you're blowing. He's not worth it. Maybe you wouldn't be such a bitch if you were actually in a good mutually-respectful, caring relationship. Go figure
-Hot Mama
I'm sure that you have either watched or heard things about, "The Jersey Shore." It's not something that I am proud of, but I'm pretty sure that I have seen almost every episode. Last night, Best and I were watching the newest episode of the show. Yes, it was a Saturday night, and yes we were home on the couch eating FroYo and watching the Shore. But anyways, beside that, we were watching the show which is so notorious for fights.
Especially for girl fights!! So there is this couple on the show Sammi "Sweetheart" and Ronnie. They are a horrible couple, and he's cheated on her, and they always fight with each other and say HORRIBLE things to each other. Well anyways, another one of the female roommates gets upset because Sammi is laughing at her for no reason... The roommate gets really upset and calls Sammi the C-word, and keeps calling her it over and over again, along with a lot of other not so nice words. She goes into the living room and is screaming at all the other roommates about how Sammi is a bitch, blah blah blah. Well it takes a few minutes, but finally Ronnie runs into the room, and I think he's coming in to defend his girlfriend... and tell the new roommate that she can't call his girlfriend those things. 
BUT NO... He comes in and says, "Don't come into my house and say shit like that, this is my fucking house. Don't drag me into your drama. If you have a problem with my girlfriend, you can deal with it with her..." Or something along those lines. REALLY... it's fine that she says those things to your girlfriend, but you just don't want to be a part of it?!? Like seriously... you are such a slimeball and a shitty boyfriend. Chivalry is clearly dead. Not that I expect it from "Jersey Shore," but still... makes me sick.-Eager Beaver
Eager Beaver,
Saw the episode. Enough said about my Saturday nights. My thoughts exactly. WTF? Your girlfriend is being abusively, verbally dragged through the muck (pretty much she is a bitch but that's besides the point) and your biggest concern is for YOURSELF? What? What on God's green earth happened to men who defend their women and aren't so concerned with their beauty sleep? Look, Sammi aint no saint but even she deserves a boyfriend better that that. Seriously Sammi pull your head out of your ass, or up off his dick and take a look at the schmuck you're blowing. He's not worth it. Maybe you wouldn't be such a bitch if you were actually in a good mutually-respectful, caring relationship. Go figure
-Hot Mama
Saturday, November 27, 2010
The New "IT" Couple...
Hot Mama,
So I don't know if this has hit your radar at all, but I am guessing that with a teenage daughter, it has. There is a new hot couple in Hollywood, and it has caused some controversial G-Chat debates amongst me and some of my friends... Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhal!
Personally, I have never been a big fan of Taylor's. I always thought that she was kind of overrated. However, recently I watched her E! True Hollywood story, and I think I might have a little bit of a girl-crush on her. OMG, she is so freaking talented. And I'd like to think that if she knew me, we would be the very best of friends. So, I have a bunch of friends who are totally anti Jake and Taylor, and think that they are a weird couple, because of the age difference. My parents have a pretty significant age gap (almost 12 years), and they have been married for almost 30 years! Maybe that is why the almost 10 year difference in age doesn't bother me a bit. In fact, I think that someone like Taylor needs an older man. She is so mature and has accomplished so much, how is she supposed to date some Taylor Lautner, 20 year old guy... what would they even talk about?? 
An older man like Jake, won't be intimidated by all of her success, and will treat her right. Not to mention, I think that they are pretty adorable together. What do you think? Have you ever dated a significantly older (or younger) man? How would you feel if I started dating an older guy? I can't get much younger without it being illegal... Taylor might be on to something... maybe we could learn something from her!
-Eager Beaver
Eager Beaver,
At first I thought the Taylor/Jake hook-up was strange but then I remembered that my first sexual experience was with a man (a rocker!) who was 29 and I was 21. And there was a 10 year age gap between my parents and they were married 35 years until my Dad passed away. Now Mom’s dating a man who’s 9 years older. So, I think my initial reaction had more to do with them as people just because Taylor is a little goofy but I think Jake is too. And they both seem like sweet people ( I KNOW she is!) who want to be in long-term relationships. Thank God Tay swiftly got over that stupid John Mayer crush! Yuck! What a man-ho!!!
Jake has shown himself to be a serial monogamist which I like. Not to mention he’s hot, talented, funny, smart and family-oriented (he took on Reese Witherspoon and her kids and just look at him with his sister Maggie’s child!) Their age gap does seem perfect because, I agree, what 20 yr old guy can match her in brains and talent and not be threatened? BTW, I’m a HUGE Taylor Swift fan! I have all of her CDs and took my daughter to her concert for MY birthday, Taylor rocked it! Love, love, love her! It’s a little sick I think (no, I don’t have posters or t-shirts or anything) but there’s something about her and her music that brings out my inner teen and my mama bear at the same time! To me she is a total phee-nom, not just a trend like Demi Lovato! Course, I hope Demi gets the help she needs! Anyway, back to topic at hand, a 10 year age gap is not as big a deal as it once was and that goes both ways!
-Hot Mama
So I don't know if this has hit your radar at all, but I am guessing that with a teenage daughter, it has. There is a new hot couple in Hollywood, and it has caused some controversial G-Chat debates amongst me and some of my friends... Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhal!
Personally, I have never been a big fan of Taylor's. I always thought that she was kind of overrated. However, recently I watched her E! True Hollywood story, and I think I might have a little bit of a girl-crush on her. OMG, she is so freaking talented. And I'd like to think that if she knew me, we would be the very best of friends. So, I have a bunch of friends who are totally anti Jake and Taylor, and think that they are a weird couple, because of the age difference. My parents have a pretty significant age gap (almost 12 years), and they have been married for almost 30 years! Maybe that is why the almost 10 year difference in age doesn't bother me a bit. In fact, I think that someone like Taylor needs an older man. She is so mature and has accomplished so much, how is she supposed to date some Taylor Lautner, 20 year old guy... what would they even talk about?? 
An older man like Jake, won't be intimidated by all of her success, and will treat her right. Not to mention, I think that they are pretty adorable together. What do you think? Have you ever dated a significantly older (or younger) man? How would you feel if I started dating an older guy? I can't get much younger without it being illegal... Taylor might be on to something... maybe we could learn something from her!-Eager Beaver
Eager Beaver,
At first I thought the Taylor/Jake hook-up was strange but then I remembered that my first sexual experience was with a man (a rocker!) who was 29 and I was 21. And there was a 10 year age gap between my parents and they were married 35 years until my Dad passed away. Now Mom’s dating a man who’s 9 years older. So, I think my initial reaction had more to do with them as people just because Taylor is a little goofy but I think Jake is too. And they both seem like sweet people ( I KNOW she is!) who want to be in long-term relationships. Thank God Tay swiftly got over that stupid John Mayer crush! Yuck! What a man-ho!!!
Jake has shown himself to be a serial monogamist which I like. Not to mention he’s hot, talented, funny, smart and family-oriented (he took on Reese Witherspoon and her kids and just look at him with his sister Maggie’s child!) Their age gap does seem perfect because, I agree, what 20 yr old guy can match her in brains and talent and not be threatened? BTW, I’m a HUGE Taylor Swift fan! I have all of her CDs and took my daughter to her concert for MY birthday, Taylor rocked it! Love, love, love her! It’s a little sick I think (no, I don’t have posters or t-shirts or anything) but there’s something about her and her music that brings out my inner teen and my mama bear at the same time! To me she is a total phee-nom, not just a trend like Demi Lovato! Course, I hope Demi gets the help she needs! Anyway, back to topic at hand, a 10 year age gap is not as big a deal as it once was and that goes both ways!-Hot Mama
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Really Hot Boss...REALLY?
Oh Hot Mama,
Where do I even begin? The saga of my hot boss and our interactions continue. So, as you know from my other posts, we've developed a fun and joking relationship. For the past few days we have been together on a business trip working in another office. Just like when I am in my home office, I find that I am spending most of my days with the men of the office. Although there are 10 or so women that work in this office, I somehow find myself at lunches and dinners with three or four middle-aged men. We crack jokes and have a great time together, and I know that they love my quick wit and oh so charming company. (It may help that I am in my 20's and they are all single men in their 30s and 40s...) Well today I was getting ready to head to the airport, without my boss. Rather than wear the pencil skirt, tights, button down, and heels that I wore to the office, I decided to change into something more comfortable and easier for travel. I put on a pair of nice jeans and an oversized boyfriend sweater, super casual but still cute Then I went to say goodbye to all of my coworkers, and I couldn't find my boss. I knew better than to leave without saying goodbye, so I kept walking around looking for him. Eventually, I found him meeting with one of my co-workers in an office downstairs, and this is what Hot Boss says...
"So and so said that you were wearing something different earlier, and that you changed your clothes." Hot Boss
"Oh yeah, I wanted to wear something more comfortable on the plane ride home." Eager Beaver
"Yeah, I can't believe he noticed. I never notice things like that..." Hot Boss
REALLY, are you JOKING me right now??? You make comments about my outfits EVERY SINGLE DAY! What do you mean that you never notice things like that. I couldn't even believe it, such a crack up. It helps that he is so damn smart and arrogant and sarcastic, pretty much the triple threat in my book! Anyways just a men are funny goodnight story for you.
-Eager Beaver
Eager Beaver,
We've been over and over the "you're playing with fire" lecture when it comes to this heavy flirtation with your boss. So, my only note here is how incongruent men are when it comes to their perception of themselves! Your boss even uttering the words "I don't notice things like that" is so ridiculous when he's repeatedly made comments to you about your outfits, it really is laughable. But I find men are often delusional about themselves. I dated a guy once who loved to say that when it came to other people's rude/stupid/indecisive behavior he was really easy going and didn't let things bother him much whether it was standing in line at a coffee shop or dealing with a client. OMG, he was sooo opposite that he had been arrested more than once for getting into fights! Like, WTF? What is it with men? I swear they will say one thing about themselves (usually about how fabulous they are in some way) and then in the same day, or even conversation, completely contradict themselves and not even be aware of it! It's insane! You do just have to shake your head and laugh otherwise you'd spend all your time popping their ego balloons.
-Hot Mama
Where do I even begin? The saga of my hot boss and our interactions continue. So, as you know from my other posts, we've developed a fun and joking relationship. For the past few days we have been together on a business trip working in another office. Just like when I am in my home office, I find that I am spending most of my days with the men of the office. Although there are 10 or so women that work in this office, I somehow find myself at lunches and dinners with three or four middle-aged men. We crack jokes and have a great time together, and I know that they love my quick wit and oh so charming company. (It may help that I am in my 20's and they are all single men in their 30s and 40s...) Well today I was getting ready to head to the airport, without my boss. Rather than wear the pencil skirt, tights, button down, and heels that I wore to the office, I decided to change into something more comfortable and easier for travel. I put on a pair of nice jeans and an oversized boyfriend sweater, super casual but still cute Then I went to say goodbye to all of my coworkers, and I couldn't find my boss. I knew better than to leave without saying goodbye, so I kept walking around looking for him. Eventually, I found him meeting with one of my co-workers in an office downstairs, and this is what Hot Boss says...
"So and so said that you were wearing something different earlier, and that you changed your clothes." Hot Boss
"Oh yeah, I wanted to wear something more comfortable on the plane ride home." Eager Beaver
"Yeah, I can't believe he noticed. I never notice things like that..." Hot Boss
REALLY, are you JOKING me right now??? You make comments about my outfits EVERY SINGLE DAY! What do you mean that you never notice things like that. I couldn't even believe it, such a crack up. It helps that he is so damn smart and arrogant and sarcastic, pretty much the triple threat in my book! Anyways just a men are funny goodnight story for you.
-Eager Beaver
Eager Beaver,
We've been over and over the "you're playing with fire" lecture when it comes to this heavy flirtation with your boss. So, my only note here is how incongruent men are when it comes to their perception of themselves! Your boss even uttering the words "I don't notice things like that" is so ridiculous when he's repeatedly made comments to you about your outfits, it really is laughable. But I find men are often delusional about themselves. I dated a guy once who loved to say that when it came to other people's rude/stupid/indecisive behavior he was really easy going and didn't let things bother him much whether it was standing in line at a coffee shop or dealing with a client. OMG, he was sooo opposite that he had been arrested more than once for getting into fights! Like, WTF? What is it with men? I swear they will say one thing about themselves (usually about how fabulous they are in some way) and then in the same day, or even conversation, completely contradict themselves and not even be aware of it! It's insane! You do just have to shake your head and laugh otherwise you'd spend all your time popping their ego balloons.
-Hot Mama
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Can Men and Women Ever Be Just FRIENDS?
Hot Mama,
One of my all time favorite movies is "When Harry Met Sally." It doesn't matter how many times I've seen it, I still absolutely love it. If I'm flipping through the channels and it happens to be on TV, I don't have a choice, I have to watch. It was on the other night and I'm still thinking about the conversation between the two of them when Harry tells Sally that men and women can't be friends. It's been on my mind so much, that I decided to look up the dialogue between the two of them:
Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is, and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form, is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry: Guess not.
Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person that I knew in New York.
I'd like to think that men and women can be JUST friends. So, I'm at that transition phase in my life where I go from being a co-ed and having tons of friends of the same and opposite sex, to being an adult and being in the real world. Most of my friends are coupling off, or getting engaged, or getting married. Now in my mind I would like to think that I have a lot of male friends, which I do. But, when I go through all of them in my head, there is one truth that remains the same, almost every single one of them has in fact tried to sleep with me. Now it's not that I'm saying that I have had casual sex with all of my guy friends, but they have all tried to test the waters. I still see most of these guys, and some of them have girlfriends now, or are in serious relationships, or engaged. Which maybe is the only safe way to have friends of the opposite sex... Maybe the only way to be friends with them is if you are sure that they are with and have feelings for someone else. But even in that case, then the significant other gets upset and wonders why he needs other friends that are girls, when he has her. Is Harry right, are all of these friendships "ultimately doomed?" Having friends of the opposite sex is nice and it gives you a different perspective on relationships and your life, and in theory seems like a good idea. But if I have to spend all of my time wondering about whether or not they want to sleep with me or are going to make a pass at me, is it really even worth it??
-A very frustrated Eager Beaver
Frustrated Eager Beaver,
"When Harry Met Sally," was my era and it doesn't sound like things have changed much since. I know that two of the male friends I have now, I dated back in the early 80's (slept with one, not the other). So, what does that tell you? "When Harry Met Sally" is a classic for a reason...because it's based in pure truth. Until the issue of sex is dealt with between a single heterosexual male and female, you're not going to be "just friends." Not possible. And if someone says it is, then they don't really know what the guy is thinking! They just think they do. I think women are still somewhat naive when it comes to what's going on in the heads of men.
In terms of it being worth it or not, that I can't tell you. It can be annoying but I know that I sincerely appreciate the male friends I have in my life, and, yes, it took a little to become "just friends," but as you said; they provide a different perspective on life from our girlfriends. And, it's oh-so nice every once in awhile to have a different perspective because I can pretty tired of the track I've worn out in my brain trying to guess what men are thinking!
-Hot Mama
You are so wise, Hot Mama!
The thing is, I don't know if I actually believe that men and women can be just friends. I think maybe I'm one of those dumb women who thinks that I can have male friends without there being complications. Some people say that the best relationships and love come out of friendships, but I don't know if I buy that either.
I think it's difficult to go from being good friends to being passionately in love. I think you have to have BOTH from the very beginning. You want to be with your best friend, but also the person that you are the most passionate about. Harry and Sally come to realize that they are best friends and also in love with each other, but then again...it's just a movie. And my life is pure proof that fairytales don't exist.
-EB
One of my all time favorite movies is "When Harry Met Sally." It doesn't matter how many times I've seen it, I still absolutely love it. If I'm flipping through the channels and it happens to be on TV, I don't have a choice, I have to watch. It was on the other night and I'm still thinking about the conversation between the two of them when Harry tells Sally that men and women can't be friends. It's been on my mind so much, that I decided to look up the dialogue between the two of them:
Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is, and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form, is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry: Guess not.
Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person that I knew in New York.
I'd like to think that men and women can be JUST friends. So, I'm at that transition phase in my life where I go from being a co-ed and having tons of friends of the same and opposite sex, to being an adult and being in the real world. Most of my friends are coupling off, or getting engaged, or getting married. Now in my mind I would like to think that I have a lot of male friends, which I do. But, when I go through all of them in my head, there is one truth that remains the same, almost every single one of them has in fact tried to sleep with me. Now it's not that I'm saying that I have had casual sex with all of my guy friends, but they have all tried to test the waters. I still see most of these guys, and some of them have girlfriends now, or are in serious relationships, or engaged. Which maybe is the only safe way to have friends of the opposite sex... Maybe the only way to be friends with them is if you are sure that they are with and have feelings for someone else. But even in that case, then the significant other gets upset and wonders why he needs other friends that are girls, when he has her. Is Harry right, are all of these friendships "ultimately doomed?" Having friends of the opposite sex is nice and it gives you a different perspective on relationships and your life, and in theory seems like a good idea. But if I have to spend all of my time wondering about whether or not they want to sleep with me or are going to make a pass at me, is it really even worth it??-A very frustrated Eager Beaver
Frustrated Eager Beaver,
"When Harry Met Sally," was my era and it doesn't sound like things have changed much since. I know that two of the male friends I have now, I dated back in the early 80's (slept with one, not the other). So, what does that tell you? "When Harry Met Sally" is a classic for a reason...because it's based in pure truth. Until the issue of sex is dealt with between a single heterosexual male and female, you're not going to be "just friends." Not possible. And if someone says it is, then they don't really know what the guy is thinking! They just think they do. I think women are still somewhat naive when it comes to what's going on in the heads of men.
In terms of it being worth it or not, that I can't tell you. It can be annoying but I know that I sincerely appreciate the male friends I have in my life, and, yes, it took a little to become "just friends," but as you said; they provide a different perspective on life from our girlfriends. And, it's oh-so nice every once in awhile to have a different perspective because I can pretty tired of the track I've worn out in my brain trying to guess what men are thinking!
-Hot Mama
You are so wise, Hot Mama!
The thing is, I don't know if I actually believe that men and women can be just friends. I think maybe I'm one of those dumb women who thinks that I can have male friends without there being complications. Some people say that the best relationships and love come out of friendships, but I don't know if I buy that either.
I think it's difficult to go from being good friends to being passionately in love. I think you have to have BOTH from the very beginning. You want to be with your best friend, but also the person that you are the most passionate about. Harry and Sally come to realize that they are best friends and also in love with each other, but then again...it's just a movie. And my life is pure proof that fairytales don't exist.-EB
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