One of my all time favorite movies is "When Harry Met Sally." It doesn't matter how many times I've seen it, I still absolutely love it. If I'm flipping through the channels and it happens to be on TV, I don't have a choice, I have to watch. It was on the other night and I'm still thinking about the conversation between the two of them when Harry tells Sally that men and women can't be friends. It's been on my mind so much, that I decided to look up the dialogue between the two of them:
Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is, and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form, is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry: Guess not.
Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person that I knew in New York.
I'd like to think that men and women can be JUST friends. So, I'm at that transition phase in my life where I go from being a co-ed and having tons of friends of the same and opposite sex, to being an adult and being in the real world. Most of my friends are coupling off, or getting engaged, or getting married. Now in my mind I would like to think that I have a lot of male friends, which I do. But, when I go through all of them in my head, there is one truth that remains the same, almost every single one of them has in fact tried to sleep with me. Now it's not that I'm saying that I have had casual sex with all of my guy friends, but they have all tried to test the waters. I still see most of these guys, and some of them have girlfriends now, or are in serious relationships, or engaged. Which maybe is the only safe way to have friends of the opposite sex... Maybe the only way to be friends with them is if you are sure that they are with and have feelings for someone else. But even in that case, then the significant other gets upset and wonders why he needs other friends that are girls, when he has her. Is Harry right, are all of these friendships "ultimately doomed?" Having friends of the opposite sex is nice and it gives you a different perspective on relationships and your life, and in theory seems like a good idea. But if I have to spend all of my time wondering about whether or not they want to sleep with me or are going to make a pass at me, is it really even worth it??-A very frustrated Eager Beaver
Frustrated Eager Beaver,
"When Harry Met Sally," was my era and it doesn't sound like things have changed much since. I know that two of the male friends I have now, I dated back in the early 80's (slept with one, not the other). So, what does that tell you? "When Harry Met Sally" is a classic for a reason...because it's based in pure truth. Until the issue of sex is dealt with between a single heterosexual male and female, you're not going to be "just friends." Not possible. And if someone says it is, then they don't really know what the guy is thinking! They just think they do. I think women are still somewhat naive when it comes to what's going on in the heads of men.
In terms of it being worth it or not, that I can't tell you. It can be annoying but I know that I sincerely appreciate the male friends I have in my life, and, yes, it took a little to become "just friends," but as you said; they provide a different perspective on life from our girlfriends. And, it's oh-so nice every once in awhile to have a different perspective because I can pretty tired of the track I've worn out in my brain trying to guess what men are thinking!
-Hot Mama
You are so wise, Hot Mama!
The thing is, I don't know if I actually believe that men and women can be just friends. I think maybe I'm one of those dumb women who thinks that I can have male friends without there being complications. Some people say that the best relationships and love come out of friendships, but I don't know if I buy that either.
I think it's difficult to go from being good friends to being passionately in love. I think you have to have BOTH from the very beginning. You want to be with your best friend, but also the person that you are the most passionate about. Harry and Sally come to realize that they are best friends and also in love with each other, but then again...it's just a movie. And my life is pure proof that fairytales don't exist.-EB
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