Do you find that your day can be made or broken by what’s going on with the man in your life? I know for myself that if I haven’t heard from my guy in awhile (whether it’s a few hours or days) I start to get mildly depressed, wondering if he’s changed his mind about his feelings for me. If we have a bad conversation or awkward text exchange, I think “Is this it, is it over?”. I realize this seems totally dumb but even my Mom goes through this and she’s in her 70’s! (my dad died 13 years ago and she’s had the same boyfriend for 10) My Mom will call me all riled up about some perceived slight by Gus and just be totally pissed off the rest of the day. Do you ever go through this?
-Hot Mama
Hot Mama,
Married or dating, in a serious relationship or even just a casual fling, I think that ALL women suffer from this on some level. Maybe it's a part of our nature, and maybe it's because women are more emotional, but I think that every woman I know is affected by her man and his emotions at one time or another (if not daily!). Men are so totally the opposite! You can piss him off or do something to annoy him, and 15 minutes later he's out on the golf course joking with his buddies and having a good time. Whereas when he does something that upsets you, you're unable to think about anything else and your whole day revolves around it, and you spend the afternoon emailing your best friends for their opinion on it.
It's funny that you bring up text messaging because recently I've been thinking so much about it! Although I am from the text-obsessed generation, I feel like, in terms of relationships, texting is holding us back.
It's like in "He's Just Not That Into You," in the scene where Drew Barrymore talks about all of the ways that she can get rejected: texting, voicemails, Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Skype, G-chat, the list goes on and on. The possibility of miscommunication because of technology is huge. You have an awkward text exchange, and you think "Is it over?" When in reality he may have just misread what you were trying to say, or didn't understand your wit or sarcasm. Communication technology is supposed to put us more in touch with people, when, really, it seems to be holding us back. So many people fight and have serious conversations through phone or computer messaging, rather than ACTUALLY talking face to face. I feel like I have to deal with trying to sort out his emotions face to face, but also via text and Facebook post. It can be so exhausting, and you're right it completely dictates my mood and my day. Something he posts on another girl's Facebook wall, can leave me feeling upset and dejected for the rest of the day. Sometimes I wonder if guys are even worth it...-Eager Beaver
Dear Eager Beaver,
Yes, I totally agree that today’s technology has short-changed our communication with men, which was never easy in the first place! I think we’re almost different species when it comes to communication styles. In some ways, I really do envy men their ability to let go of emotions and let bygones be bygones. Women want to hash it out until both parties come to some sort of understanding. Man, I can just feel the men rolling their eyes at us. I do find that if I wait it out, meaning don’t send an angry or puzzled text or leave a snotty voice mail, the perceived “problem” irons itself out (at least for small miscommunications). It’s really hard not to lash out and play “Emotion Detective” but I swear, 9 times out of 10, he just was preoccupied and there wasn’t any “hidden” meaning in the communication. Ladies, if you can, let it go…like a guy! It’s really, really hard to do, obviously I’m still learning, but we have a better chance of changing ourselves than the guys. Be strong, find something to occupy yourself with and try to focus on his good qualities without running down the long list of all of his faults (we all do it once we’re pissed). Focusing on his good qualities usually helps restore a little sanity (cuz, yes, Eager Beaver, men are worth it!). Just don’t put yourself on the emotional roller coaster because you’re probably riding it alone.
-Hot Mama
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