Hot Mama,
After a long break from the dating world, I've been seeing this guy, Mr. Mixed Messages. We've been seeing each other casually for about five weeks. When we first met, he was super into me and all about spending every second with me. I think I wore out the keys on my cell phone from responding to all of his text messages! He wanted to see me every single day and invited me to go on a trip with him and his friends. He constantly told me that he was thinking about me and missing me and couldn't wait to see me again. Then he went on a week-long trip with some of his buddies. Before he left we spent the night together and he asked me what I thought about "us." I told him that I didn't want a serious relationship, and that I wasn't really sure where this was going. (I was just trying to be honest and have a mature conversation!) He didn't seem bothered by it at all as he had just gotten out of a serious year long relationship a few weeks before he met me. So, when we left each other that night things seemed fine and he said he couldn't wait til he came back and could spend more time with me. During the trip he called me EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, even on nights when he was out with his friends. He would just say that he missed me and wanted to hear my voice before he went to bed. Very very sweet, not so much my style, but I was starting to get used to it.
The night that he came back to town, he came straight over to my house to see me and spent the next two days at my house, spending every second with me. It was nice to have him back, but I was curious as to where this was going and what it all meant. I mean, you aren't my boyfriend, but you're definitely acting like you're my boyfriend. And you're enjoying ALL of the perks of being my boyfriend. So... I brought it up. I asked what was going on and if we were dating other people, etc.? Totally casual and light. However, I was shocked when he said that he didn't really care if I dated other people, especially if I met someone special.. MET SOMEONE SPECIAL? What does that even mean? Like I'm just hanging out with him until I can meet someone better? He said he isn't dating any other girls and doesn't want to date any other girls, but I am free to do what I want. And now for the last week, I don't know what to do with Mr. Mixed Messages. Some days he will call me and text me and talk to me and everything will be fine, and then he will ignore me and not respond to my text messages. I don't get the games, and it's starting to exhaust me! Now I feel like I am way too into it and that I'm annoying him. Really I was just trying to match his intensity and excitement from the beginning. When he brought up the "relationship" talk everything was fine, but God forbid I bring it up. Now things are all weird. Should I walk away now before I spend any more of my time trying to decode everything that he is doing??
-Eager Beaver
Dearest Young Eager Beaver,
Holy crap, cut bait and run! You're not his human yo-yo!! Such dark, intense men are exciting as hell but that’s what they put you through too! Good gawd, you know you're worth more than that. It is exhausting trying to figure out his mood and wondering if what you say is going to send him back into the shadows. I realize it’s easier said than done to cut loose a man like this because the adrenaline has you hooked, hooked, hooked. But for your own sanity, and probably your friends too who are trying to help you analyze his every move, get out before you’re in even deeper. Call him on his b.s. and let the chips fall where they may and then stick to your guns! He’s NOT the only fish in the sea by a long shot but men like this count on you falling for their crap hook, line and sinker. This boy did not turn out to be the catch of a lifetime, just the catch of the day. Now cut the line and throw this one back!
-Hot Mama
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