"The Bachelor" Sold Us a Bill of Goods!

Eager Beaver,

I was not going to watch "The Bachelor" this season since they were recycling a past bachelor - so freakin' lame! But being a hopeful romantic I got sucked in by the drama and the triangle of Emily, Chantal and Ashley. Brad Womack and the producers sold us a bill of goods though. Brad claiming he's changed and even Chris Harrison saying he's been through therapy and he's a changed man. I call bull-hooey on that! He's not a changed man as we all discovered on "After the Final Rose" when Emily said she couldn't commit to Brad right now and then reluctantly revealed it was because of Brad's temper! What?! How did Brad even get another chance? I'm going to guess that if the love of Brad's life is feeling his temper (and shouldn't this be the honeymoon phase of the relationship when we only show each other our best sides?) this is nothing new for Brad. And it hasn't exactly been a character flaw that's been hidden from the producers, film crew, production assistants, etc. when he was the bachelor the first time. I'm so mad. Mostly at myself for being sucked in again but also at the producers for not doing the work and finding us a new bachelor to watch! So, not only has Brad not changed, notice he chased the most seemingly unavailable girl on the show! Much more exciting for a man like Brad, not that Emily isn't beautiful or sweet but she definitely was making Brad work for her attention. On the other hand, maybe she just wasn't genuinely interested because she never seemed to be bothered by the other girl's dates and was kinda surprised that Brad fell so hard for her. Whatever the reason, I'm proud of Emily for sticking to her guns and not rushing into marriage with a hot head!
-Hot Mama

Hot Mama,

I couldn't believe when they brought Brad back either... really, he wasn't that great the first time around. And we are all supposed to believe that he has "changed." Is he now a more evolved man, suddenly ready to forge a new relationship. You are so right to call B.S. on that, and we've seen it since the first episode. Really, he is reformed from therapy?? Not buying it, not even a little bit. On top of that, how did he even get two great girls in the end like Emily and Chantal (I wasn't Ashley's biggest fan...) I found it interesting that he has such a bad temper, but I totally see his aggressive vibe. Even in the episode with his brothers, they asked her if she'd seen the "bear" yet, so clearly they know that he has a pretty intense temper as well. I would bet my bottom dollar that these two will never take a walk down the aisle, at least not as a couple! I can guarantee that she won't be able to take Brad's temper, especially not with her daughter. She's already been through a lot, and I can't believe that she would put her daughter through something else if she wasn't 100% in it. Move on Emily, Brad's not worth the wait. Ah "The Bachelor," wonder what's to come next season...
-EagerBeaver

Mom Cave... Is this for real?

Eager Beaver,

OMG. Today on the TV show I work on we discussed the trend towards women, specifically mothers, having their own special "space" in the home. The "space" it was suggested could be a converted closet or the corner of a room or attic. What? WHAT? Men get entire dens, offices, basements, garages, whatever. They get a whole room to do in what they like. Apparently, the thinking is that a "corner" is all we need because the rest of the house is "ours."
Really? Ours to do what in? Cook, clean, dishes, laundry,sweep, dust, vacuum, windows, toilets, change sheets? Really? Where is Mama's sanctuary exactly? The bathtub? No, because the second you settle into your soothing bubbles someone is at the door shouting that they need something, like a run to Michael's for poster board for a science project that's due the next day! Moms not only deserve, but need, a room of their own with a door that shuts and when that door is shut it means NO interruptions unless someone's hurt or the house is on fire and it better be a big fire. Women need a place to decompress and disconnect from all the needs of their loved ones just as much as men do but women rarely take the time to just space out and watch a game. No, when we sit down to watch our favorite show, like Snapped, it's with a pile of laundry or thank you cards or bills or sewing repairs, etc. It's rarely to just kick back, drink a beer and gorge on Cool Ranch Doritos. Ladies we are our own worst enemy. Your family can be trained to leave you alone for 30 - 60 minutes...really, they can! You just have to refuse to give into the need (guilt) to answer everyone's questions or solve their problems. They'll find their gym bag, the homework will still be there, they can clean up the cat vomit, honestly, while you recharge in your sanctuary! Now take that unused guest room, guests can sleep on the sofa like they did back in the day, and transform it into a place that will fulfill YOU! To your cave!
-Hot Mama

Hot Mama,

You know the first thing I thought when I read this... TYPICAL! Isn't it just so typical that they are telling a woman that she needs to take an unused closet or a CORNER OF A ROOM and make a special space for herself. I will have to say that it is one thing about where I am in my life that is so wonderful. Granted, there are not a TON of great things about being single... BUT, having no man and no children means that there is a lot of space to myself. I don't have to take just a corner of a room, I can have an ENTIRE room. I can decorate it the way that I want, and keep it clean like I want, and do whatever I want, because it is all mine. It's sad that as women get into serious relationships and get married and have babies, they slowly start to lose themselves. Shouldn't we all be focusing on taking care of ourselves mentally, physically, and emotionally? If we have time (and space) for ourselves, then we are able to take better care of the rest of the people in our lives. We can be more relaxed and focused, and can put our energy into the things and people that really matter. Why don't we start giving men an attic or a small unused corner and see how they like it!
-Eager Beaver

PS: Just for fun I thought I would attach a couple of pictures for what I found for a "Mom Cave" versus a "Man Cave." You decide which looks more appealing...

MAN CAVE:


MOM CAVE:

Divorce Is Not A Car...

Eager Beaver,

The recent spate of announcements about couples with children breaking up, David Arquette and Courtney Cox, Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman, has resurfaced a piece of wisdom that I would so like to be on Oprah on for in order to share with divorcing couples (normal divorcing couples not one's in which addictions or abuse are involved). People tout divorce as being this "thing" that it is horrible for children, that it will leave scars for life, they'll never have a good relationship of their own, etc. I'm here to tell you: DIVORCE IS NOT A THING. It cannot run over your children like a car. You, meaning you and your spouse, are the ARCHITECTS of your divorce just as you were of your marriage.

Divorce is certainly not a wished for or hoped for or ideal outcome but you do have all the power and control over how it will affect your children. What damages children is not "divorce" but how the parents behave during the divorce. Demeaning or belittling the parent in front of the child, standing far apart at games, only being able to drop off and pick up from the "safety" of your car, bad mouthing the new boyfriend or girlfriend, fighting about money, rigidly holding to parenting time instead of doing what works best for the child. I know some people are saying "but it's his fault, he started it, he won't blah blah, he always blah blah" all I'm asking for is one person in the relationship to rise above the fray and stop worrying about their own hurt feelings and start thinking about their children's feelings. It is hard for them. They are no longer living with both their parents, they may have new adults in their life, they may have to move, so YOU need to do whatever you can to alleviate the hurt and confusion for them and that starts with having a good relationship with your ex in which you BOTH agree to put their needs before yours. My ex and I spent every holiday (including Mother's and Father's Day) and birthdays (including his and mine) together in order to give the kid's a continued sense of family.

Last Christmas was the first one we hadn't spent together in seven years and that's because my ex got remarried, to a lovely woman, who is good to my children, who is actually an advocate for them at their father's house. I have spoken of her highly to the kids, my friends, my mother, etc. This is a woman who, should I die, will become the major female influence in their lives. I want them to love her and I want her to love them, and she does and they do. As a mother, it is all and more than I could ever ask for. Please, please don't just "say" (like David Arquette has) that you're putting your child's needs first REALLY do it. You REALLY are the architects of your divorce and hold your children's experience of divorce in your hands. Handle with care.
-Hot Mama

Hot Mama,
You are so right! Divorce is NOT a car. You already know from my last post exactly how I feel about David Arquette, especially now that he has come out and apologized for the comments that he has already made in the media. Really, is he trying to advance his career by saying all of these things, and then taking it back? Exploiting his relationship with Courtney and hurting their poor daughter in the process. I don't understand why people are so quick to bash their ex's and disregard their children. The kids should always come first, and that seems to rarely be the case. I am not a child of divorced parents, but I do have friends with divorced parents. And just because their parents are divorced, doesn't mean that they haven't been able to be in successful relationships. I think it's better to show your children that it's important to find happiness in your life, than to stay in an unhappy marriage for their sake. I have so many friends whose parents have gotten divorced as soon as all their kid's have graduated high school or gone off to college. Is this really their answer? To wait until their children are out of the house and then suddenly get a divorce? We aren't stupid, we understand that you stayed together just for us, and then got divorced as soon as we were all gone.

More people should listen to your advice Hot Mama, and get out of their unhappy marriages, while still protecting the most important thing, their children.
-Eager Beaver

Why Women (Courtney) Get Tired of Mothering Men (David)!

Hot Mama,

In the wake of all of the celebrity break-ups, I am not surprised that another one bites the dust... First, we had Tiger Woods and Elin (which frankly, Elin is WAY better off without him). Then we had Jesse James and Sandra Bullock... Really Sandra, did you actually think that Jesse James was going to stay faithful. Thank goodness they were both strong enough women to divorce Jesse and Tiger's loser asses and move on. They both seem to be in a much better place, now that they have moved on from their lying and cheating men. But now we have another high profile couple headed for divorce. I'm not gonna lie, I never really understood the whole David Arquette and Courtney Cox thing. She's absolutely gorgeous and he's only slightly attractive at best. I always figured that they must have bonded over their common sense of humor and that they must have been best friends.

Well, now after 11 years they are breaking up. Fine, get a divorce, people do it all the time. But in this whole situation David Arquette has made me absolutely sick, and I feel like he may be worse than Tiger and Jesse. Is it really necessary to go around and do interviews and tell people that it had been over four months since the two of you have had sex? Is it also necessary to do interviews and say that you were sleeping with other people?? Maybe one or two or more times! Seriously David, are you for real right now?! You have a child with this woman who was your wife for 11 years, and you think it's appropriate to discuss your sex-life in national interviews. Is your career really that shitty? Do people think nothing of their children?? Their daughter is in elementary school, and will have to live with the fact that this is all over the news and her friends and schoolmates will hear about it. I just don't even understand people anymore. Men are so self involved, it makes me sick. What is this world coming to?!
-Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

I love Courtney, but knew from the beginning this marriage wouldn't work because Courtney is a co-dependent who loves projects. One of her passions is buying homes and renovating them and she's no different when it comes to men. Her first serious celebrity boyfriend was Michael Keaton, an alcoholic, and she tried to keep that relationship together for five years. So, it really was no surprise to me that she ended up with another man with addiction problems except for the fact that it was David Arquette, at least Michael Keaton has some class. David Arquette still acts like he's in high school auditioning for the role of class clown; Stop, you got it already!


David said that Courtney said, "She was tired of being my mother." Amen. Wow. So many women are married to men that they have to mother. It is unbelievable! She still needs to mother him and tell him what's appropriate to talk about in public and what's not! F' me, how old is he? How do you NOT know you shouldn't talk about your private sex life in public? ESPECIALLY when you have a child in school! WTF? Shut up already! And he said that Courtney and he are still best friends and put their daughter's interests first. Really, this is how you treat your best friend? It's embarrassing enough for Courtney but poor Coco. What did she do to deserve having her parents dirty laundry aired in public? And how is Courtney supposed to answer her six year olds questions about it? OMG. This is exactly what I rant about when it comes to people getting divorced. Do NOTHING to, in any way shape or form, put your children in the middle of your crap. It is your and your spouse's crap. People are stupefying petty, childlike and self-centered when it comes to their hurt. They lash out, because it's all about them, without stepping back and thinking to themselves how will this affect my children? If I call their mother a bitch, how will that hurt them? If I call their father a lazy-assed loser, how will that affect them? If I reveal that their mother and I haven't had sex in four months and I've begged her to stay, how will that affect them? Grow up people! PLEASE for the sake of your children grow up and shut up!
-Infuriated Hot Mama

Do Men Ever Worry About Whether We Have Clean Underwear?

Eager Beaver,

I am nervous. Since we've joined these online dating sites I haven't met anybody that I really care to see again, except for this week I'm seeing one man again (we already had a lunch date) AND I have two other dates lined up and possibly one more. That's FOUR different men! And they all have really good potential. The problem isn't them, it's me. I was home last night pondering if after 8 years I was really ready to have a man around again. I mean I've gotten used to making my own schedule, eating what I want (and what the kids want), seeing my friends when I want, exercising when I want, watching the TV shows I like, no sports on in the house, ever, (not that I hate sports but I'd much rather watch a marathon of "Say Yes to the Dress" and I can!), sunbathing when I want (without looking like a beauty!), traveling wherever I want to go when I want to go, having family over when it's convenient for me (and not worrying about someone else's family), attending my kids sporting events, having the pets I want, buying what I want, buying what the kids want, sleeping alone (no snoring, no jostling, no alarm clock ringing at a different time), etc., etc.
It's been so nice NOT worrying about someone else's laundry, work schedule, golf schedule, family problems, meal preferences, my kid's behavior (always seen differently when someone else is around), my pet's behavior, the cleanliness of my house, the cleanliness of me, their kid's schedule and needs, an ex-wife, their travel preferences, their favorite TV shows, their sleeping habits and patterns, etc. , etc. It just seems like I'll have another child to take care of, a 6'1" 195 pound child who shaves and sits like a lunk on the couch while I scramble trying to get everything done for the family just like I do now. I mean, do men EVER drive home from work and wonder if they need to do laundry because we might be out of clean underwear or socks? NO! HELP! After all this time I can't see the upside (aside from SEX!) for having a man around. Can you see even ONE upside?
-Hot Mama Not Ready for a Man

Hot Mama,

It's funny, because I feel like we are SO in the same boat on this one. After graduating from school I was living at home with my parents for about a year. During that time, I obviously wasn't in a serious relationship (not like I could have my boyfriend sleeping over at Mom and Dad's...) Out of respect for my parents, I wouldn't stay at my guy's house either. Now that I am finally on my own and living in my own apartment, all of these things are actually a possibility. But I SO understand where you are coming from and I feel exactly the same way. I can wear whatever I want to bed, and sprawl out, and not worry about waking up every five minutes because someone is making me hot or breathing all over me. I have the flexibility to get up early and work-out before work, and not worry if I am going to wake them up. Mr.Mixed Messages has stayed over a lot, and every time that he has, I can't wait for him to leave. My home has become my own sanctuary! I totally know what you mean about not wanting to share it. Only once in my life have I actually wanted to share every part of my life with someone else. Maybe it's that we just haven't met the right guys that we want to allow into every aspect of our lives yet? I think that if someone fantastic came along, we would compromise on what we eat for dinner... right?! I can't imagine throwing the kids into the mix too. I am so busy with work, traveling for work, working out, and obligations with friends, that I can't imagine throwing two teenagers into the mix.


So KUDOS to you Hot Mama! Let's hope that someday we will meet the right guy that we want to do laundry for and watch sports with... Until then let's keep sitting on the couch, eating bon-bon's and watching as many episodes of, "Say Yes to the Dress," as we want!
-Eager Beaver