Teacher's Pet

Hot Mama,

Okay, so I don't know if I should put this out here and I feel funny even writing it to you, but here goes... I think my boss has a crush on me. This is uncharted territory for me and I don't know what to do! I am used to men my own age and guys out in public hitting on me or making inappropriate comments or whatever. However, it feels totally different to have all of this sexual tension with a man who is #1 MY BOSS and #2 12 years older than me. Now, my parents have an age gap, and it is something that I have always been used to. It's not that I wouldn't consider dating someone who was that much older than me, so I guess that it's not that big a deal. But now I find myself not knowing how to act when I am around him. I am flirtatious by nature, and I don't think I have been acting any differently towards him than with any of my other coworkers. I don't know if I just need to tone it down completely or keep things going as they are. Everything has been just innocent flirting, but maybe I am giving off the wrong vibe... Has this ever happened to you? What happens if he makes a move? Hot Mama am I the Teacher's Pet right now?!?
-Eager Beaver




Eager Beaver,

Put the brakes on now! It is NEVER okay for the boss to flirt with a co-worker and especially a married boss who flirts with a much younger co-worker! It may be innocent enough now but a man thinks you're flirting even if you just say "Hi" with a smile (it's so annoying). He has all the power, you have none in this situation. Hopefully you haven't reached the stage where you're day dreaming about him. You're playing with fire and you definitely need to bring it down a notch. And yes, I have been in this situation and you just need to find a way to keep them at arm's length. Since you don't have a husband to remind him of, I would suggest a boyfriend. Some people reading this are probably wondering why you need to do anything at all and can't you just draw a line in the sand and put him in his place? I mean, it's totaly unacceptable afterall, but you do have to work there and you don't want it to be uncomfortable and, insulting as this is, men are men (dear readers, please re-read Elle article for refresher on how men think, posted under "Is Sex All Men Think About"). The bottom line is that he holds the keys to your job and this flirtation is wrong. He's also setting himself up for a lawsuit should he try something. So, "Teacher's Pet", do the thinking for both of you, and back-off this ill-advised flirtation before it turns into something disasterous for everyone concerned.
-Hot Mama

The $5 Test...

Hot Mama,

Interesting proposition for you: On the radio this morning they were talking about this "test" and I need to know if you would EVER consider trying something like this. So they were calling random women and asking them to try the, "$5 Test." Apparently what you do is go to a bar with only five dollars, and see if you can last the whole night and still drink and have fun (aka get guys to buy drinks for you). Now, I'm not going to lie... I definitely let guys buy me drinks at the bar. BUT, I never go to the bar with the intention of not spending any of my own money, and relying strictly on men to pick up the tab. I guess I was raised to be more self sufficient than that. I appreciate it for sure when guys buy me drinks, but I have a job and I am perfectly capable of buying my own drinks. Now I know this doesn't take into account men's motives for buying you drinks... which is generally to get you to go home with them (Am I right?!?).


But to me doing something like this would make me feel almost as sleazy as some of the men that I meet. Is this a test that we should try? Do other women actually go out there and do things like this? I don't spend a lot of money at the bars when I go out, but it is never a personal mission of mine to spend the least amount possible. And sometimes I even want to return the favor and buy a cute guy who has been buying me drinks all night a drink... Is that so wrong? Should we be using men for the free drinks? They are in fact the ones who think that by buying us the drinks they can get us to go home with them...
-Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

Interesting dilemma. My inital reaction was "Sure, why not? Sounds like fun". However, then do you find yourself flirting with guys you have no interest in just to get a free drink? And how do you shake them if you have no interest and want to move on to the guy you're really interested in? I'm not so disturbed by the financial part for a guy, lord knows how much they remember they consume in alcholol and, for sure, they use it as an excuse to get to know us and into our pants. But I would also feel a little class-less just getting drinks from a guy and not having any real interest in him. That seems low-brow to me. The argument could be made that it's certainly no worse than accepting a date, having him take you to dinner and then not having sex with him. So, if it's not a moral issue for someone, and I don't think it's whether or not you were raised to be self-sufficient because we still expect them to pay for dates, and you're not worried about a guy thinking you're a bitch, then I'd say go for it. But still, for me, I just would not want the hassle of shaking a guy off at the end of the night.
Hot Mama

Is Sex ALL Guys Ever Think About?

Hot Mama Help Me!

Although there is so much evidence out there to the contrary, I still like to believe the best in people (even men), but I am starting to wonder if I have been misguided. I want to think that they are capable of being loving, intelligent, thoughtful, and caring partners... but to be honest, I think that LITERALLY ALL THEY THINK ABOUT IS SEX! The men at work, guys on the street, even guys that I thought were just my friends. (I know, I know... we have had this conversation a million times, guys can't be just friends with girls...) I don't know how women have done it for centuries. Everytime I am rewarded at work, or get out of a speeding ticket (or two), I never know if it is because of my winning personality or strictly based on my looks, and men's inability to keep it in their pants. I am starting to get frustrated and think that maybe it isn't possible for men to think about anything else. Help me Hot Mama. PLEASE tell me that I am wrong!
-Angry Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

Umm, yeah, sex is pretty much what most guys think about all the time whether they're working, grocery shopping, driving, minding the kids, changing their socks, mowing the lawn, golfing, eating pizza, sucking their thumb, etc., etc. It's appalling I know and for proof that Hot Mama isn't just talking out of her ass I'd like to refer you to this article in Elle...

http://www.elle.com/Life-Love/Sex-Relationships/They-Like-It-Like-That-Why-Every-Woman-is-Desirable

But before you despair of ever finding a worthy man (really worthy of a woman and all her inherent goodness) let me point out what AMAZING will power a committed man must have! I mean they're almost literally hampered by their brains and it's need to sexually assess every woman who crosses it's path. It's not that difficult for us because most of us don't look at a man and wonder what his penis looks like! Eww. And just because they may look at everything that comes into their line of sight doesn't mean they actually want it. Besides sex they also have a need for a loving relationship and family. So, the fact that men still propose and still get married, when it seems totally against their biological imperative, is really and truly impressive. Kudos to all the faithful guys out there, you have strength beyond imagination and truly are our heroes.
-Hot Mama

Sexting: Totally Exposed

Dear Eager Beaver,

So, I just had my first sexting experience. Ever. Wow. Pictures and everything. Very, very racy. Somehow, to me, more racy than phone sex which I 've had before but not much. I think it was more scary to me because you leave yourself very exposed, literally. But because it's scary it elevated the hotness of it. I now understand why people do these crazy things, crazy things like send photos to one another and take videos (also uncharted territory) because it bumps up the whole thing to a four star roller coaster ride (are roller coasters rated?). But after the thrill wears off you're not just wondering where the elephant ear stand is... You're wondering if the person is trustworthy and if you've just endangered your job, family, etc. Because as we all know from celebrities, even boyfriends and husbands, can turn on you and do things like post it on the internet or worse. So, I can't imagine that that many people do it or is that naïve on my part? Did it just seem like super risky behavior because I've never done it?
-Hot Mama

Hot Mama,

So I definitely love sexting, and find it to be very fun and very sexy. But I think that you are absolutely right to have your concerns. The innocent and flirtatious sexting with just words is one thing, but as soon as you get into pictures and videos, you are right to be cautious. I have done the whole descriptive sexting (minus the picutres and videos) with different guys that I have been with. In my short, but colorful, dating past, I have only gotten into "hardcore" sexting with one person that I was with. In the beginning, I would check with him all the time to make sure that he deleted the pictures and videos, so that no one would EVER see them. I didn't want to risk him showing them to someone else, or someone picking up his phone and seeing them on accident. I trusted him completely though, and as soon as I got comfortable with the idea, it made it that much more fun. Sending dirty pics, texts, messages, videos, etc. can keep things exciting, and make a long and boring day at work pass by more quickly. Definitely DON'T stop doing it. But keep in mind that you are putting yourself out there (especially if you include your face). And no one wants to be the next Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton...
-Eager Beaver

Finding Love in the Age of Technology

Dear Eager Beaver,

I don't really understand the whole communicate and have a relationship by text thing. Back in my day each house had maybe two or three phones that were all land-lines… that means attached-to-the-wall. If a guy wanted to ask you out he either had to do it in person when you met at school, in a bar, at a wedding, or wherever or call you and hope you were home when he called because, I know, sit down, we didn't have answering machines let alone caller ID! How did we ever meet anybody?! Well, it's been so long I don't really remember, but somehow we all managed just fine.

Does your generation ever just call someone and ask them out? Or is it always by text? It seems so impersonal! And, like the guy doesn't have to try that hard. The bummer is my generation of guys seems to be picking up the trend and I don't know how to decipher it. Is he serious or isn't he? Have you or your friends ever gone out with someone that started out by text but ended up being a relationship? Or is text just the lazy guys way of searching for sex? Which is what it feels like to me!
-Teched-out Hot Mama

My Dear Sweet out-of-touch Hot Mama,

This may be one of the things that I hate most about guys from my generation. I don't know if it is because they are EXTREMELY lazy, or if they honestly just fear rejection THAT MUCH, but yes, texting is a huge form of communication. Often times in the relationships of my generation, it is the main form of communication. It's funny because my roommate has been dating this guy on and off for literally 7 years, and he tells her all the time that he hates to talk on the phone. He practically refuses to call her. And then they fight all the time because of all of this "mis-communication." It drives me absolutely insane because it's like, "WELL OF COURSE YOU GUYS ARE CONFUSED, YOU NEVER ACTUALLY SPEAK TO EACH OTHER."


Although I am a big texter, and find myself doing it throughout the day, I find texting to be annoying at times. It's just another way that guy's are getting to take the easy way out. It is easy to ask a girl out via a text, and then if she says no or never responds, a guy doesn't have to face the rejection in person or over the phone. I recently had a guy (one of my friend's ex-boyfriends), ask me out with a text, and I just didn't respond. He then asked again (WITH A TEXT) why I never responded... And I told him that I didn't respond to texts asking me out on a date.

I do still have hope for the men of my generation and yours. I still have guys ask me out on actual dates (like in person or over the phone!) It's funny because these men may be less attractive than their texting peers, but I find that I have so much more respect for them. We as women, can't let men get away with this. If we respond to their booty call text and invitations for dates via a "Want to hang out?" text message, then we are just playing into their game! We need to stop the cycle and say enough is enough... man up and ASK US OUT!
-Still Hopeful Eager Beaver

PS I even googled this, and found an article that says that 35% of the 150 people
surveyed ask people out via text for the first date!

http://newslite.tv/2009/02/02/most-first-dates-arranged-over.html

Mr. Mixed Messages... What Went Wrong?

Hot Mama,

I need your help! I have started to become one of those girls that I completely despise. Things have been all over the place recently with Mr. Mixed Messages. We have been seeing each other for about 2 and 1/2 months, but nothing too serious, and definitely not exclusively. After I questioned him about whether or not we were free to see other people, he became super weird and kind of distant, and I didn't know what to do. Well he went on vacation for a couple of weeks, and then I was out of town for business. When we were both back in the same place, we started hanging out again. But it has been so different. Before he was all about texting me every five minutes and wanting to hang out with me all the time and telling me how wonderful and beautiful I was. Now he doesn't text me as much, and his sweetness has seemed to virtually disappear. You would think that this would be a major turn-off and that I would just walk away (especially since I don't have a strong emotional connection to him and the sex is alright, but not stellar). But I can't! The more distant he becomes or the less interested he seems, the harder I want to push to see him or be with him. This is totally unlike me, and I don't know what I am doing. I never am the first one to text guys or initiate hang outs, but with him, I want to. What is wrong with me?? I know I should be a strong independent woman and let him come to me if he wants me, but I am having such a problem doing that. When he wanted me all the time, I couldn't care less about him. And now I obsess over the fact that he hasn't returned my texts in three days. Am I going crazy?
-Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

You're behaving exactly the way these men want you to. They're game players and suck you in with their good looks, charming personality and divine attention! You think to yourself, “Wow, how am I the lucky one to land such a great guy?" We all want to believe that we're special (and we are!) and we're so thankful that someone, finally, recognizes our specialness and wants us even more than a dieter jonesing for a warm Krispy Kreme fresh from the oven. It's so intoxicating. Like a drug. Because it is… And then, when even the toughest among us, becomes used to this shower of attention, the player turns it off because he finally got the mouse into the trap so now it's time to set a fresh trap for the next vulnerable mouse. And on and on it will go. Even if this type of jerk gets married he'll continue the game playing during his marriage because he really can't help himself.

I'm so sorry one of these guys got to you. And I know you think, "Oh, but he has so much potential and he was so sweet and thoughtful, he must have a good side and maybe I'll be the one to bring his inner angel out fulltime.” I mean you did once already. Well, yes, but that was at the beginning when he was playing his cat and mouse game. And you were a big challenge for him, how much more exciting it must have been for him to chase you! I also know you and you'd love to find a way to re-hook him so you can be the one who says when it ends. But it was, no matter what he said, or says, to you, a game for him. Please send this predatory cat back to the jungle where he belongs and hold out for a real man...not the illusion of one.
-Hot Mama